I am pretty sure all those who once read and supported our blog have given up on us posting again. I would have. But I will write once more, and possibly for a final time, for me tonight. I am not going to speak for Chloe. She is 13, is doing 13 year old girl things and has a lot of things going on that rank above a hardcore focus on losing weight. For the record, she has gained some weight back from what was lost the beginning of the year and into the summer, but she is staying pretty consistent. So let me just use this blog to vent for a few about what's on my mind.
I screwed up royally. I gained pretty much all but 10 pounds back since July. My eating habits are the worst they have been. I have spiraled out of control. Any stress or frustration leads me to fast food, junk food and/or huge portions on my plate. Zero physical activity has replaced the neighborhood walks. I start the day with the best intentions, only to have a 2000 calorie dinner/snack evening. I would like to say, for the 1000th time, "I know what to do, so now I just gotta do it". But that is BS, I don't know what to do. I don't know how to fix my brain to not want food. I don't know if I should watch my calories, portions and/or carbs. I don't know the best way to plan a weeks meals with everyone eating differently and with a working families budget. Kinda hard to spend $30 on veggies and 4 days later see half have either went bad or just aren't getting ate. Of course that may be a cop-out since I could just buy my food each day that I am going to prepare and ditch the once a week shopping expedition. I hate this sooooo much. This 150 pound mountain that sits in front of me seems unclimbable. I feel like I am having to walk to Alaska, but still standing on the road in Kentucky. The success stories of those I read about are so inspiring, but looking at this blog and seeing how I was on that same successful path and blew it is so discouraging.
I don't know where to start back on track at. All I know is that if I don't my life will be over in the not too distant future. My asthma attacks are coming back, as well as the shortness of breath and chest aches. My knees feel like they will snap some days. I feel like such a failure to myself and my family. I doubt there will be anymore Mike and Chloe lose it posts for a bit. Kinda pointless if neither of us are losing it. So if anyone reads this, say a prayer or keep some fingers crossed for me that I will find a moment of clarity and a solution to why I fail at losing weight.
Mike
