Today marks 60 days since my fresh start to eating well and exercising. It is also the first time in a long time that I am in the 330s...339 to be exact. This brings my total to 51 pounds lost since 6/24/13 and 73 pounds down from my heaviest weight of 412. Now that I'm getting into the established routines and habits I am noticing something else. I am also gaining.
I am gaining muscle in my arms and legs, as I am noticing how much stronger I am feeling. I am gaining stamina when I do physical activities, as shown by my increased distances I can jog now. I am gaining compliments from many people that I never would have thought even noticed me. I am gaining health, as my knees hurt less and my chest no longer aches. One last thing, perhaps the most important to me, is that I'm gaining self confidence.
This has been a rough few days for various reasons. Old Mike would have ate his way to comfort and felt sorry for himself. Thank God that this new found self confidence has taken root within me. I know I can get through the toughest of storms. I know I am worthy of everything good that this world has to offer. I am not to blame when others try to hurt me or do things to undermine me, that is solely on them and does not reflect on the good guy that I am.
For years I took crap from others. It was the little snotty kids that loved to get a cheap laugh at my expense. As an adult it has been those that think I am a pushover because I smile, laugh and am nice. Not anymore. I am only 1/3rd of the way to my goal, but the 51 pounds I have shed has helped open my eyes to who I really am inside. So now it's time to let those around me see that this weight loss is not only changing me physically, but mentally and emotionally as well.
It is indeed funny how things change.
Saturday, August 24, 2013
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
More Than Oatmeal and Tennis Shoes...
For years, 32 to be exact, I have been saturated with weight loss ideology. At 4 years old I was put in to the hospital to have my thyroid checked due to my weight. After the all clear was given, my mom was instructed to put me on a diet. Obviously that worked and I was a healthy weight the rest of my life. NOPE, NOT EVEN CLOSE.
During Childhood I had the servings counted out for my packed lunch and was told no chocolate milk. So of course, I craved chocolate milk like the other kids and would get it anyway. I was told I couldn't have anything from the ice cream truck, but mom would feel guilty and we'd be at Dairy Queen that weekend. I was kept on a strict calorie count...until we went out to a big dinner. My favorite childhood memory has to be the weekly Weight Watcher meeting. I mean, what 11 year old boy doesn't love attending a weight loss group mostly geared towards woman at that time. If I had a weight loss, we would celebrate with a Columbo Frozen yogurt (conveniently located next door to Weight Watchers) after the meeting. Finally, there was the hypnosis session that my mom and I had. I would stare at my thumb and repeat "I am calm and in control" when I craved food and that was supposed to be my trigger phrase to turn off all my food cravings. This was accompanied by listening to a tape as I went to sleep that would subconsciously reiterate this weight loss habit.With the exception of ONE summer, I never lost my weight as a kid/teen yet always was on a diet.
Flash forward to adulthood. Rice cakes, oatmeal, diet soda and tuna. These were what I was always told would lead to weight loss. Then I was told to try bee pollen pills. A guy I worked with in my early 20s told me about Dexatrim pills and eating nothing but Slim Fast shakes. A few years later I was a follower of Dr. Atkins and the low carb bonanza. I've counted points on the new WW. I even got a staple put in each ear to suppress my appetite. All that one did was make it hurt when I chewed. With all of these things I have done, I had success with all of them to some extent, but it was only temporary.
So now at 36 and just a few months removed from 412 pounds, I realize this weight loss thing is way more than just food and exercise for me.
I took the time to think before I planned the first meal or walking route. After watching countless weight loss shows, I finally listened to the people on them. Instead of just glancing at a headline about obesity in the news, I read the story...and even Googled a little more info. For years I had heard experts say you need to find out why you turn to food to successfully lose weight. I didn't think there was any reason, I just always said I loved food. I was wrong.
I realized all the personal issues I have had in my past. All the insecurity and being treated like crap by others for my weight growing up and as an adult. Things I would hear as a child regarding my weight when school clothes shopping with mom. The deaths of loved ones that happened early in adulthood. For every one of these instances and memories, food was there to release those wonderful endorphins as I enjoyed every calorie filled bite to comfort me. Now that the cat is out of the bag, it has allowed me to know before I turn to food why I am tempted to and to find another thing to fill that void and soothe those bad feelings.
I know this was long winded, but I wanted to share this. For years I was led to believe that if I had willpower and watched my calories I would lose weight. It was only after I realized that no willpower can hold back emotional stress caused eating that I started to find this easier. I'm not saying I have this obesity thing kicked and will be 200 pounds in 6 months. I will say that I am more confident then ever that knowing why I turn to food keeps me from turning to food most of the time now. It also helps when I reflect on the list in my head of what I won't miss about being overweight and what I can't wait to do once I am physically able to.
Now that I have my mind in shape, I am better equipped to get my body in shape. The phrase is "work smarter not harder", but with weight loss a better phrase would be "work smarter and harder".
During Childhood I had the servings counted out for my packed lunch and was told no chocolate milk. So of course, I craved chocolate milk like the other kids and would get it anyway. I was told I couldn't have anything from the ice cream truck, but mom would feel guilty and we'd be at Dairy Queen that weekend. I was kept on a strict calorie count...until we went out to a big dinner. My favorite childhood memory has to be the weekly Weight Watcher meeting. I mean, what 11 year old boy doesn't love attending a weight loss group mostly geared towards woman at that time. If I had a weight loss, we would celebrate with a Columbo Frozen yogurt (conveniently located next door to Weight Watchers) after the meeting. Finally, there was the hypnosis session that my mom and I had. I would stare at my thumb and repeat "I am calm and in control" when I craved food and that was supposed to be my trigger phrase to turn off all my food cravings. This was accompanied by listening to a tape as I went to sleep that would subconsciously reiterate this weight loss habit.With the exception of ONE summer, I never lost my weight as a kid/teen yet always was on a diet.
Flash forward to adulthood. Rice cakes, oatmeal, diet soda and tuna. These were what I was always told would lead to weight loss. Then I was told to try bee pollen pills. A guy I worked with in my early 20s told me about Dexatrim pills and eating nothing but Slim Fast shakes. A few years later I was a follower of Dr. Atkins and the low carb bonanza. I've counted points on the new WW. I even got a staple put in each ear to suppress my appetite. All that one did was make it hurt when I chewed. With all of these things I have done, I had success with all of them to some extent, but it was only temporary.
So now at 36 and just a few months removed from 412 pounds, I realize this weight loss thing is way more than just food and exercise for me.
I took the time to think before I planned the first meal or walking route. After watching countless weight loss shows, I finally listened to the people on them. Instead of just glancing at a headline about obesity in the news, I read the story...and even Googled a little more info. For years I had heard experts say you need to find out why you turn to food to successfully lose weight. I didn't think there was any reason, I just always said I loved food. I was wrong.
I realized all the personal issues I have had in my past. All the insecurity and being treated like crap by others for my weight growing up and as an adult. Things I would hear as a child regarding my weight when school clothes shopping with mom. The deaths of loved ones that happened early in adulthood. For every one of these instances and memories, food was there to release those wonderful endorphins as I enjoyed every calorie filled bite to comfort me. Now that the cat is out of the bag, it has allowed me to know before I turn to food why I am tempted to and to find another thing to fill that void and soothe those bad feelings.
I know this was long winded, but I wanted to share this. For years I was led to believe that if I had willpower and watched my calories I would lose weight. It was only after I realized that no willpower can hold back emotional stress caused eating that I started to find this easier. I'm not saying I have this obesity thing kicked and will be 200 pounds in 6 months. I will say that I am more confident then ever that knowing why I turn to food keeps me from turning to food most of the time now. It also helps when I reflect on the list in my head of what I won't miss about being overweight and what I can't wait to do once I am physically able to.
Now that I have my mind in shape, I am better equipped to get my body in shape. The phrase is "work smarter not harder", but with weight loss a better phrase would be "work smarter and harder".
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Just Passed Another Mile Marker...
After frustrating myself by weighing too often and not seeing the scale move, I swore off weighing until my 2 month re-dedication anniversary. Then I cheated and got on the scales. I was thrilled to see the number finally move after a week of nothing. The scale greeted me with 348.8, so I'll just round up to 349. This is the first time I have been in the 340s in probably 8 years or so. Even though I still hate to look in the mirror, I am noticing how much my body has changed since I was 412 pounds. When I was able to jog halfway around the track last night, I could feel how my body had changed.
Each day I weigh what I want most against what I am tempted with. This has helped me so much these last 7 weeks. Waffle cones at Culver's are great, but not as great as fitting in a booth there. Pizza buffet's are big bang for the buck, but not as good a value as buying clothes at a normal store instead of big and tall shops. Most of all though, there is NOTHING that is more important than gaining my health instead of heading for an early death from a massive heart attack. After all, you don't see too many 300+ pound guys in their 50s...and you sure don't see any 400 pound guys live that long.
So I will consider hitting the 340s a mile marker, as my road to the low 200s will be filled with them. So far, so good...it is much easier now that I got my head on straight and recognize the issues that led me to become a food addict all these years. Life is good, because I am making it good!
Sidebar...Chloe and the family are also doing really well. As a freshman this school year, and being 14, Chloe is kinda preoccupied with other things (school, One Direction, friends and music), but she will eventually contribute her thoughts on here.
Each day I weigh what I want most against what I am tempted with. This has helped me so much these last 7 weeks. Waffle cones at Culver's are great, but not as great as fitting in a booth there. Pizza buffet's are big bang for the buck, but not as good a value as buying clothes at a normal store instead of big and tall shops. Most of all though, there is NOTHING that is more important than gaining my health instead of heading for an early death from a massive heart attack. After all, you don't see too many 300+ pound guys in their 50s...and you sure don't see any 400 pound guys live that long.
So I will consider hitting the 340s a mile marker, as my road to the low 200s will be filled with them. So far, so good...it is much easier now that I got my head on straight and recognize the issues that led me to become a food addict all these years. Life is good, because I am making it good!
Sidebar...Chloe and the family are also doing really well. As a freshman this school year, and being 14, Chloe is kinda preoccupied with other things (school, One Direction, friends and music), but she will eventually contribute her thoughts on here.
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Yes Waiter, I Just Ordered That...
I used to want to say that to the waiters and fast food cashiers after placing my order. When I'd order the combo meal along with an extra item...or two. When I'd get the largest meal and then ask for a side of something. When I would try to eat what my family didn't finish before the waiter got back with the check...and ultimately would get busted and face that look of "holy crap, he just ate everyone's food" from the waiter. Everyone of these scenarios would lead me to having that thought of wanting to tell them that. I never did though. Now I can look back and realize it was not them who was in disbelief of all the food I was ordering...it was me. My own tiny voice, the voice which is now my dominant one, was trying to talk sense to glutton Mike. Unfortunately, I would ignore it and try escaping all my problems with that huge meal.
Nowadays, I still find myself wanting to say "Yes, I just ordered that...so what of it?!", but for different reasons. When I see their face as this large dude orders a salad. When I choose a tilapia filet over hot wings. When I ask if they can give me broccoli instead of french fries. It's not every waiter or cashier that makes that face of "seriously?" or "oh, he must be on a diet...hehehe", but there have been a couple of 'em. I'm sure eventually I will see that no one ever thought those things. Most likely it is just my insecurities getting the best of me. I'd like to think that maybe these strangers that are taking my order are actually thinking "smart choice".
At the end of the meal though, it doesn't mean a thing whatever anyone may or may not think. What matters is that I didn't order fried chicken and deep fried cheese Saturday and instead chose grilled tilapia and veggies. What matters is on Sunday I chose grilled chicken salad in lieu of a loaded calzone. What matters is that I am finally listening to myself and choosing to eat the right foods that will lead to weight loss and a new life gained.
Nowadays, I still find myself wanting to say "Yes, I just ordered that...so what of it?!", but for different reasons. When I see their face as this large dude orders a salad. When I choose a tilapia filet over hot wings. When I ask if they can give me broccoli instead of french fries. It's not every waiter or cashier that makes that face of "seriously?" or "oh, he must be on a diet...hehehe", but there have been a couple of 'em. I'm sure eventually I will see that no one ever thought those things. Most likely it is just my insecurities getting the best of me. I'd like to think that maybe these strangers that are taking my order are actually thinking "smart choice".
At the end of the meal though, it doesn't mean a thing whatever anyone may or may not think. What matters is that I didn't order fried chicken and deep fried cheese Saturday and instead chose grilled tilapia and veggies. What matters is on Sunday I chose grilled chicken salad in lieu of a loaded calzone. What matters is that I am finally listening to myself and choosing to eat the right foods that will lead to weight loss and a new life gained.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Good...For Now Anyway...
When you stop doing something for a few days, it is easy to not do it again. I hadn't been for a walk in a few days and was really dreading going for one this evening. Fortunately Chloe wanted to get back to our exercise routine and of course I went with the family. I am so glad I did. After 31 minutes we had walked 2 miles, and I actually incorporated some jogging in with my walk. Sure I had a couple catches in my side from not breathing right, and my knees are throbbing now, and I could only jog about 1/10th mile at a time...but it was more active than I've ever been! And that is good enough...for now.
I have started following several pages from others losing weight on Facebook. By the way, like my page http://www.facebook.com/bigdaddytofitdaddy if you would. Anyway, these pages have been so great in distracting me from wanting to go back to old habits and instead focus on what I need to do and motivating me to stay on track. The only problem I am having lately from looking at all these new friends, is playing the keeping up with the Jones' syndrome. I want to lift those weights. I want to do those burpees. I want to run 3 miles. I want to burn 2000 calories in a workout.
But I can't. Not now anyway. With years of being in the high 390s -low 400s, my joints hurt. Anything more than a brisk walk and spurts of awkward jogging leave me nearly immobile the next day. With a full time job and 25 minute drive to work, I can't afford to injure my knees or something else and be laid up with no activity during a recovery. So I have to remind myself as I admire these fitness role models that one day I will be doing those activities. Heck, at the pace I am going it may even be next month for some of the exercises.
I am very happy with my progress thus far. 45 days ago at 390 pounds, after several months of not trying to lose my fat, I could barely get a 1 mile walk in. Today, about 35 pounds lighter, I was able to do 2 miles with jogging...and if it weren't for needing to get kids home and dinner fixed, I could've went at least .25 mile further. The old pessimist Mike would say "I have so much more weight to lose" or "Why bother walking, that isn't real exercise", but now I can say I have lost almost 1/4th of what my goal to lose is in 45 days and any movement I do is better than sitting on my butt! I will do more to whip my body into shape eventually, when physically possible without injury. For now though, eating right and a brisk walk with the family is helping me transform myself into becoming the man I want to be.
I have started following several pages from others losing weight on Facebook. By the way, like my page http://www.facebook.com/bigdaddytofitdaddy if you would. Anyway, these pages have been so great in distracting me from wanting to go back to old habits and instead focus on what I need to do and motivating me to stay on track. The only problem I am having lately from looking at all these new friends, is playing the keeping up with the Jones' syndrome. I want to lift those weights. I want to do those burpees. I want to run 3 miles. I want to burn 2000 calories in a workout.
But I can't. Not now anyway. With years of being in the high 390s -low 400s, my joints hurt. Anything more than a brisk walk and spurts of awkward jogging leave me nearly immobile the next day. With a full time job and 25 minute drive to work, I can't afford to injure my knees or something else and be laid up with no activity during a recovery. So I have to remind myself as I admire these fitness role models that one day I will be doing those activities. Heck, at the pace I am going it may even be next month for some of the exercises.
I am very happy with my progress thus far. 45 days ago at 390 pounds, after several months of not trying to lose my fat, I could barely get a 1 mile walk in. Today, about 35 pounds lighter, I was able to do 2 miles with jogging...and if it weren't for needing to get kids home and dinner fixed, I could've went at least .25 mile further. The old pessimist Mike would say "I have so much more weight to lose" or "Why bother walking, that isn't real exercise", but now I can say I have lost almost 1/4th of what my goal to lose is in 45 days and any movement I do is better than sitting on my butt! I will do more to whip my body into shape eventually, when physically possible without injury. For now though, eating right and a brisk walk with the family is helping me transform myself into becoming the man I want to be.
Saturday, August 3, 2013
A Week Old Pic...
I am late on posting this by about 8 days, but I just now figured out how to make this pic. No jaw dropping changes, but I can clearly see in this pic that my gutt, back and face went down in those first 30 days. I plan on doing these pics monthly for me and the family to have a visual record of the physical changes, just as I will keep posting here and on http://www.facebook.com/bigdaddytofitdaddy to track my emotional and mental changes. By the way, I'd appreciate a like on my facebook page :0)
Thursday, August 1, 2013
New Facebook Page...
So after following/liking so many great weight loss pages on Facebook, I have made my own. I hope to use that as a quick way to post the highs, lows, tips and whatever else that will help me and others that are on a weight loss journey. Take a second and come like it...I'd appreciate it :0)
https://www.facebook.com/bigdaddytofitdaddy
https://www.facebook.com/bigdaddytofitdaddy
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